MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
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Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
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Please select from the following options menu:
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If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. |
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If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you |
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If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. |
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If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on
the line so we can trace your call. |
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If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to
the Mothership. |
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If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will
tell you which number to press. |
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If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press,
nothing will make you happy anyway |
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If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696. |
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If you are manic- bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or
before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. |
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If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-
term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss,
press 9. |
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If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too
busy to talk with you. |
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If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan,
lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever. |
